New Again (After Thirty Years)

Today as I write this post something very significant is happening in the life of our family. This is the day that our oldest son Daniel, his wife Naomi and two children, Sammy and Maerah, leave the United States and head for Bolivia where they will begin their service with Evangelical Church Missions. They will find in the coming months that sometimes the call to cross cultural ministry can be very "rewarding and fulfilling." They will also discover that there will be days when they might find themselves questioning their call, wondering what they are doing there and how in the world were they ever convinced to sign up with this outfit for this service. It is all a very natural part of the adjustment to cross cultural living.

As field director helping new missionaries, it was not unusual to find them  having these kinds of feelings. More than once I tried to gently remind them that "It is just Bolivia and this, too, will pass." I remember some of those days myself, when I was a new missionary in Bolivia, and thinking those very kinds of thoughts. As we old people say, it seems like it was just yesterday that I thought those things but of course that is a trick of an aging mind. Those thoughts are now 30 years old. But wait, no, they're not thirty years old. In fact, I believe it was just yesterday that I had those thoughts.

We have now been in Liberia for eight and a half months. In these months, including these past days, I have had these same thoughts again. "What am I doing here? Am I really needed? Am I earning my pay, deserving my keep? I feel like I'm simply spinning my wheels. Well, this has been another one of those (Liberian) days. I just want to go home! (back to Bolivia). How did we all manage to misread God's will in bringing us here?" And as I have had these feelings and more, I have struggled with them, at times feeling depressed over my own reactions and feelings. After all, I am a seasoned cross cultural worker. I've got close to thirty years of cross cultural living under my belt. I should not be reacting like this. What is wrong with me?

January 6 is the Day of the Magi or Epiphany. We had a Magi oriented craft at the children's home to celebrate this last day of the Christmas season. The kids colored, cut and pasted stars and wisemen to styrofoam plates. They especially liked the glitter glue to add sparkle to the star. Epiphany commemorates  Jesus' manifestation to the gentile world, the revealing that his coming was not just for Jews but for all.

Sometime this past week I, too, had an Epiphany, an "ah ha!" moment. I"m a new missionary - not new to cross cultural living but certainly new to Liberian living. I should not be surprised when I have reactions to events and circumstances that recall my earliest days in Bolivia. It is easy to forget that it took years to develop self confidence in ministry in Bolivia and it also took years for the brothers to reach the level of confidence that they displayed in me. So, why should it happen quickly in Liberia? It won't and it is foolish to think that it might. This moment of new understanding for me probably won't make things any better on those Liberian days. I will still feel at times that I am spinning my wheels and yes, I will be still writing letters of resignation in my head. But, this too will pass.

As I look back on my earliest career and then at my present stage in ministry, I am reminded of the faithfulness of God through it all. As I have stumbled at times while learning, his grace has been sufficient and good. As I continue to stumble into Liberian ministry his grace will continue to be enough.

So it turns out that Daniel and I are in this together. I will be eagerly watching as his family finds their way in Bolivia. I will probably smile, laugh and definitely sympathize when they have Bolivian days. Maybe he'll do the same for me and we'll both laugh together as we learn and adjust to the call of God to cross cultural living.

Wedding Bells (Again)

I know that I like to write about weddings and have done so in the past. But weddings are such an important part of life and have the full approval and blessing of God (A man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.), that I hate to overlook them. December is a big month for weddings in Liberia.  We recently were invited to attend the wedding of Alphanso and Nicketta, a young couple from the Mt. Zion Church.

The wedding was held in Virginia (a community on the outskirts of Monrovia) at the home of the bride's father. The sun was quite hot but we were given seats on the porch where we could both see and enjoy the wedding from a bit of shade.

The wedding was a mixture of a traditional Liberian wedding and a religious or Christian or Western marriage. The traditional part of the wedding began with both families sitting down (minus the bridal couple) together to hammer out the details of the marriage. While in reality these details  were already determined the wedding proceeded in the form of an impromptu drama. The uncle of the groom taking the role that Alphanso's deceased father would have played, announced that they were just passing by and happened to see something going on. . . . From there the conversation eventually wound around to the point of asking for Nicketta to become Alphonso's wife. The bride's family responded by asking about which Nicketta were they talking as they had several Nickettas. The first had to be brought from another country so the groom's family needed to pay for the expenses of bringing her. After money was exchanged Nicketta arrived on the scene covered with three or four layers of cloth on her head. As each cloth was taken off to reveal the young woman, the groom's family was expected to shell out money for each layer removed. Finally when her face was revealed it was the wrong Nicketta and she had to be sent back, which, of course, incurred more expense for the groom's family. Two more Nickettas were produced in like fashion and each one rejected but not without various payments from the other family. Finally the one true Nicketta was fetched and, after being uncovered, she consented to become the bride. Then the groom's family presented gifts of clothing to the bride's family and eventually the deal was sealed, all done with warm laughter and good feelings.

Next came the church part of the ceremony where the preacher gave a short message and then vows were exchanged. I was asked to participate in this part by giving the blessing of the rings. So the couple was married, food was served and general merriment broke out.

But this wedding represents what is a real challenge for the church in Liberia including the Liberia Evangelical Mission. Sexual immorality is rampant both in and outside of the church. Liberian men and women freely move in with each other, have babies, move out and on to another relationship with alarming frequency and seemingly without shame nor concern for the consequences. I have been told that it was not always so but that during the civil war years the moral fiber of the country was so destroyed that the current situation is the result.

Not only is there the challenge of sexual immorality but also the question of what constitutes a valid marriage. There appear to be four options in Liberia, as far as I am learning. One is to simply move in together. From the church's point of view that is not valid. I concur with that position. There is no document, no family agreement, no visible sign of commitment. The second and third options are traditional weddings, the difference being that in one case there is family agreement but no legal document. LEM has decided against recognizing that form. The third option is the traditional wedding but with a government issued and recognized document (much like a marriage license). LEM recognizes this option but with one stipulation: Both forms of traditional wedding allow the man to take additional wives. Needless to say, the church does not recognize that "right." The fourth option is the legally binding church wedding.

Another issue not yet fully answered by LEM is the question of the new convert who has multiple wives. While legal, it is not endorsed by Scripture, and the question is how to handle this situation. There is a consensus that a man under these conditions cannot take on any more wives but what is he to do with the "extra" wives and children that he already has? Several different approaches have been used in Africa across the years, perhaps none of them truly satisfactory, ranging between full acceptance of the all the wives to restricting the man to the first and requiring him to send the other wives away. Please pray with us as we come to a common understanding of the position that LEM needs to have on this very important issue.

In the meantime, I thank God for Alphanso and Nicketta and others like them who are taking the steps to regularize their situations before God, the church, the government and each other and their families. And I pray for lots of wisdom for LEM and its pastors as they grapple with these issues in the days to come.