Compassion and Confusion - Confessions of a Missionary

He came to my door the first time about three years ago. He had an ulcer on his foot and wanted help for treatment. The foot was obviously bad and so we gave him a little bit of money for medicine. (Not always the best aproach but often the most convenient). When he returned another day wanting more we decided (one of my coworkers was also in on this) that the best thing was to tell him to meet us at the hospital in the morning where he said that he would be getting the treatments. Early the next morning we were at the hospital at the agreed upon time (it is about an hour outside of Santa Cruz) but he didn't show up. h
Wowever I did go in and talk with the people in charge to discover that he had indeed been a patient there, two or three years before, with the same problem but had never followed through. We confronted him with that new insight the next time he came to the door. Yes, he admitted it was so. And he would like to really get this problem taken care of this tme. So I agreed to leave money at the hospital to help pay for his treatments. (Each treatment cost around $1.50 US). And so he began to go to the hospital on a regular basis and receive treatment for the foot.

As time went on I discovered that he had no place to live and been living on the street. Yes, he wanted to change his life. Could I help him? We talked about the Lord and his basic need to let him do the changing. He was all for that, but not today. Everytime I invited him to go to church with me there was a promise to come but an excuse as to why he didn't. (I had to wash my clothes, etc.)

Fast forward now to January of this year. I had decided that I was unable to help him, he was not responding in a positive manner, and I needed to end this relationship. I told him that. Before ending it I had helped him arrange for a new housing situation (which never did come to pass). But not too long after this my bell rang one morning. There he was at the gate. "Gordon, please, you've got to help me." I could see why. There was a huge pool of blood on the sidewalk where he had vomited it up. So much for saying no. The remainder of that day and the next day were spent in trying to find a place for him to receive treatment. The doctors were on strike so that did not help the cause. Finally he was able to be admitted to the hospital emergency room. As I was preparing to leave him he said to me something to the affect that he wanted me to pray with him. He had never said or done that before. So I did and led him through a simple prayer of repentance. Was it genuine? I figured that time would tell. Sure enough I began to see some small changes in his attitude. For example he told me that he had been praying a lot and for me and my family. Up to that point I had never seen any indication that he ever thought of anyone but himself. So, a small beginning.

A bit under a month later he was released from the hospital. I tried to help him find a place to go but that fell through for different reasons. But we finally came to an agreement and he is, as far as I know, established, at least for this month, in a room, off the street and under a roof. He is supposed to be looking for work. I have again been fairly forward and blunt with him that from here on out he needs to not come to me for more help. We will see. I have said that before.

That is the story. It is one which has played out before under different circumstances but the same basic theme. Here is someone with a need. He comes to the missionary for help. The missionary helps. The man returns for more help and a cycle is established. For me as a missionary and a Christian it presents a great dilema. Jesus calls us to share his love and freely do and give to others according to their need. but when does that help become destructive for the man, the missionary or both? When does helping hurt? How do I give freely without feeling used by the one I am helping? When does a relationship of love become a relationship of dependency or even co-dependency? How do I say no when the guilt feelings inside say I have to say yes? How do you listen to co-workers and family who have a better perspective and follow through on their wisdom while battling internal feelings of guilt and failure if I don't help? These are all issues that have to be dealt with. At least for me. I have had to think through and, at times, painfully respond to each of them.

Will the man in the story above be back? Probably. How will I respond? I don't know but am learning to have a more thoughtful response and one that I hope will show the love of Christ to all involved.